Slow fade
Dying in my arms
Breathe in, breathe out
Your strength ebbs away
Like your heart's blood
Petals falling from a scarlet rose
While I am powerless to save you
Watching as your eyes close
Bringing the final sleep
My kiss can't wake you
If only I could go in your place
You slip away
Whisper once
And fade
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really like this, but I agree with Flower, adding punctuation would make it better. I know it's poetry, but punctuation is still a very important aspect. Not only does it aid in creating the flow of the words, but it makes it easier to read and to understand.
That aside, I really like this. I like how it starts with short lines, then grows larger, then goes shorter again. That also makes the long, windy sentences flow seamlessly with the short, blunt ones. The word choice is eloquent, and beautiful. Nice work.
loveness, ultraviolet <3
I like this poem, but I don't like the lack of punctuation. I think it detracts from the poem. I could leave the stops up to my imagination, but you are supposed to do that for the reader. I also think you should break it into stanza's. The only other thing I have to say is, I like it, it's a really good poem.